At the beginning of the summer I set out a plan to blog weekly. I
had ideas written and placed pictures set to the side to post about my summer
events. I had planned out a productive summer with school being out. I thought
it would be easy balance working part time, maintaining my garden, canning food
from my garden, and planning for my wedding in April. I had our wedding
deadlines set and my planner pad all color coded. I was all set or so I thought.
About a week before the students got out
for summer vacation I received a phone call mid-day saying my grandfather was
admitted into the hospital and it did not look good. I couldn't cry at that
moment because I still had 18 kids to make the end of the year great. So I
smiled and blocked out the sad news for that moment.
The diagnosis came in and it was not what
any granddaughter wants to hear. My Grandpa Stetson had lung cancer. The cancer
was already at stage 3 and he did not know what his options were at that
moment. Now you see my Grandpa was something else. Picture a guy that
always has a cigarette in his mouth, perfect hair in any occasion, jeans,
t-shirt, and stood with a distinct stance. He was the picture of a perfect guy
with the last name STETSON. He enjoyed his westerns and thought
if I were born a boy I should be named John Wayne (good thing I wasn't I would
have been made fun of :)).
Being the first grandchild on both sides of
my family there were many pictures because I was the first. I use the past tense
because as I say in a saddened manner the pictures no longer exist. Hurricane
Katrina destroyed my memories of my grandfather visiting when we were younger.
Now, after he was diagnosed he was sent
home and I began to plan the trip to visit my grandfather with my dad. My dad
is the apple of my eye and has my heart as well. I am a southern daddy's girl.
I may be 28 but I never want to disappoint this Stetson. I was excited to see
my dad for the first time since April and we planned to meet up when we flew
in. See I live in Rhode Island, my parents in Mississippi, and grandparents in
California so traveling gets exhausting. The trip was planned.
After having an 8 minute layover, nearly
missing a flight, and running on exhaustion I finally met up with my dad at the
airport. We drove 5 hours to our destination. As I we
arrived I knew deep down I had not mentally prepared myself for this.
You see being a teacher I am naturally a
fixer and a nurturer. I can smile and maintain peace during chaos. I have always
been able to smile when people should not be. Only certain people will see my
stress during these times. When I walked inside I first noticed that my Grandpa
Stetson's hair was a mess! I almost laughed because in 28 years I have never
seen it this way. Physically I could see that the cancer was winning this
battle due the amount of weight he lost and I held in the tears and smiled as
the actor I was becoming in this situation. My heart ached as I watched my
father see his dad, my grandmother trying desperately to find something that
tasted normal to him, and grandpa becoming extremely sentimental. Don't get me
wrong my grandfather would give you the shoes on his feet and give every dog a
treat he saw. This was a different type of sentimental. He accepted his time to
enter the next chapter that he was so quickly approaching. He spoke with ease
about where he wanted to be buried, what he wanted me to do when I grew up,
where he wanted things to go, and showing me everything he had collected
through the years. Each conversation I held in the tears and smiled listening
patiently to my grandfather forgetting things. The cancer had spread into his
brain and his throat. He was becoming forgetful and increasingly frustrated as
he could not remember things and struggled to talk. I was so happy he was not
hurting though or he was the better actor and stayed awake through most of our
trip and visited.
I worked harder than I ever had during the
week comforting my father, grandmother, and grandfather. I was excited to share with him the details of my upcoming wedding
knowing that things were not what I dreamed with him going to watch me walk
down the aisle with my best friend. He said he always dreamed of having an
Italian Sauce and dipping bread in it. Well I have a great recipe that is my
fiancés grandmothers. I told him I could do that.
Little did I know that one wish would be
his last one granted. I made his sauce and he ate very little. He was happy as can be.
The next day it was time for me to go home. I sat cuddled with him on the couch
until it was time to go as I did throughout the week. I watched him struggle
not to cry saying I wish I could make your wedding. That time it was a little
harder to be the actor. Some tears fell and we both swallowed them like we were
tough and smiled. When we left I had a feeling it was goodbye forever.
On the way to the airport it was quiet in
the car. When my father and I talked it was about anything random. He knew what
I knew and that's all that needed to be known. I could see him doing what I
have learned to do as well and that is to swallow the tears and change the
topic! Who knows what we talked about but we did for 5 hours. Midway I received
a text that my grandfather was admitted into the hospital. Within 1 week 1 day
of having his Italian Sauce, the last thing he would eat, my grandfather lost
his battle to lung cancer.
So why would I call this blog “Stetson like
the "Hat"? Well ever since I can remember no one can say my last
name, spell it, or pronounce it until I say "Stetson like the hat".
Most people say "oh yeah" or” oh ok I get it now". Well I guess the story goes that my grandfather’s nickname
was "Hat" and no one really knew. My parents attended the funeral and
were setting up arrangements prior with my grandmother. While they were
deciding on the stone they decided to put a hat on it and that's when it just
so happened that the story came out that was his nickname. That makes me smile.
Though he can't attend my wedding and my kids will never have the pleasure of
meeting a man who just had a kind heart, I know that "Hat" Stetson is
smiling and happy. He will be with me in spirit and always watching over his
great grandkids. He will always be the best guy with the cigarette, stance, and
jeans! I hope in heaven (which he was saved before he passed) he is happy as
can be surrounded by his pets, watching westerns, and listening to Elvis.
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